Healing from Purity Culture
Overcome the effects of religious messages and embrace your sexuality with confidence, pleasure, and meaningful intimacy
Is this you?
- Do you feel guilty when you're attracted to someone?
- Are you ashamed of your body, or feel it's wrong to reveal it?
- Do sexual sensations make you feel impure, as if arousal itself is sinful?
- Do you struggle to fully accept your sexual orientation or interests?
- Do you feel like you don’t deserve pleasure?
- Does sexual touch feel overwhelming, or like you shouldn't be doing it?
- Do you feel conflicted about masturbation and using porn?
- Do you feel distracted by thoughts or worries during sex, or zone out to avoid being present?
- Has past sexual trauma left you feeling damaged, or like no one will want you?
- Do you find it hard to talk about sexual topics with your partner?
If any of this resonates with you, know this:
You're not alone.
Millions of people were taught restrictive rules about sexual thoughts and feelings. This includes teachings about modesty, attraction, and sexual desire.
When it came to sexual activity, we were taught that God expected us to stay sexually 'pure' until marriage. Masturbation was a sin. Even kissing on the lips or going to a school dance were forbidden, in some faith traditions.
If someone didn't resist sex, they were like chewed gum—disgusting and used.
Survivors of sexual assault or date rape were left feeling doubly hurt: not only did they suffer sexual trauma, they believed they were irredeemably damaged goods.
These are the teachings of 'purity culture,' and they can be devastatingly impactful.
Little did we know, these teachings left us bound to fear, shame, and misguided approaches to sexual relationships.
Healing from Purity Culture
You deserve to enjoy sex, free from guilt and shame.
The teachings of purity culture can have long-lasting effects on how we perceive sex, our bodies, and our partners. If this kind of dogma shaped your adolescence, it may continue to affect your adult relationships today.
Even if you followed all the rules and are in a loving marriage today, sex may still feel awkward, shameful—or even physically painful.
The connected, blissful, and fulfilling sexual relationship you were promised may feel impossibly out of reach.
The good news? Healing is possible.
You can reclaim your sexual pleasure, your body, and your autonomy.
Imagine a life where you feel confident and relaxed in your sexuality, free from the fear of condemnation and shame.
Imagine a sex life filled with joy, connection, and freedom.
What’s possible for you:
Once you let go of these deeply entrenched beliefs and heal your psychological and spiritual wounding, you can experience:
Reconnection with your body
Learn to embrace your body as it is, without feelings of shame.
Freedom from guilt
Release the anxiety and condemnation associated with sexual urges and pleasure.
Deepened intimacy
Build meaningful and authentic connection with your partner, finally feeling understood and seen.
Better communication
Feel empowered to openly discuss your sexual needs and desires free from internalized shame about sex.
Healing from past trauma
Mend the tender emotional wounds and soften protective scars, allowing yourself to fully engage in pleasurable and loving sexual relationships.
Enhanced sexual satisfaction
Discover new levels of sexual pleasure as you release restrictive beliefs about sex and embrace your authentic desires.
Why work with me?
As a sex therapist with a deep understanding of the psychological impacts of purity culture, I’m here to help you break free from shame. I help people like you release and reframe the teachings that have been damaging.
I understand the complex causes of sexual dysfunction, and help clients overcome them.
Whether you’ve been dealing with baggage around body image, confusion about sexual morality, embarrassment about interactions, or difficulty connecting with your partner, we’ll work together to uncover the roots of these issues and heal them.
You don’t have to live under the weight of your old, misguided beliefs about sex.
It’s time to release what no longer serves you, and rewrite the messages you’ve internalized about sex and your body.
Let’s create a new narrative where sexual pleasure, intimacy, and self-acceptance are celebrated.
Overcoming purity culture: My story
I'm Kristin Cherry Jackson.
I grew up in purity culture.
You could say I'm a purity culture refugee.
I grew up in the '80's, and my church youth group was my social center. It was the era of purity pledges, of True Love Waits and I Kissed Dating Goodbye.
As a fervent Evangelical Christian, I bought in to every message I heard about sexual sin.
I believed that sexual pleasure outside of marriage wasn't just bad, but forbidden. I even believed that simply finding someone sexually attractive was wrong, if they weren't your spouse.
And so, I endeavored to "save myself for marriage," sexually. As a teen, I wore not one, but two purity rings to symbolize that promise—and I'm the one who asked my parents for them!
When I felt attraction and arousal, I labeled it lust.
When I felt drawn to be sexual with boyfriends, I shoved those feelings down for fear of sinning.
I was taught that marriage is the promised land: a place where sex would be easy, frequent, and perfectly pleasurable. A place full of sexual freedom.
For me, it was everything but.
Today, I see these purity culture messages as lies. Well-meaning lies, to be sure; lies that leaders told us because they had been fed the same messages, and the same promises.
They're lies, nonetheless.
During college, I fell in love. Our pent-up sexual feelings propelled us towards marriage. By age 20, we were engaged.
For the eighteen months we were engaged, I was a sexual gatekeeper, pushing my fiancé's advances away. I let him know: if we had sex, I would have to break up with him.
We saved "real" sex for marriage, but just barely.
Fast forward two decades. My husband and I agreed that after 20 years of marriage, the right thing to do was divorce.
The reason? Sexual incompatibility. We were finally acknowledging it, after years of earnest, excruciating struggle.
We had been wrestling with our dilemma all that time, with many tears shed. Finally, we both recognized our sexual disconnect as a true tragedy, with no one to blame.
I grieve for myself. I grieve for my wasband (he was my husband…not anymore). We both agree:
Our sexual disconnect was a tragedy that could have been avoided—
...if only we knew at 20 what we discovered at 42.
When he gave me his permission to share this story, he said, "Purity culture is tragically insidious." I couldn't agree more.
Today, I take great joy in the fact that he and I each found profound sexual fulfillment on the other side. Today, we're both in loving relationships that perfectly embody the sexual and emotional connections that we were promised all along.
The most ironic part? These relationships broke all the rules. These are the kind of relationships they warned us about, in fact.
It turns out that sex can be fun, fulfilling, and truly transcendent when you can experience it free from the shackles of shame.
Eventually, I found the satisfying and sacred sex I was promised—but I had to ignore the lies to get here.
My deep desire...
If you are struggling in this area, my deep desire is that you would know that you are loved and loveable, just as you are.
Your value does not depend on following rules or being a perfect lover (whatever that is!). And there is nothing—I repeat, nothing—for you to be ashamed of.
If you feel like you're drowning in sexual struggle, I see you.
I have been where you are: utterly hopeless, feeling desperate and lost and alone.
Like me, you may have been to doctors, and counselors, and couples therapy, and they all failed to resolve your issues.
When I first heard about sex therapy, it sounded intimidating. For someone raised to avoid thinking about sex, talking about it in depth felt almost scandalous!
But I knew nothing else was working, so I decided to give it a try. For me, sex therapy was the answer I had been looking for.
If you are struggling in this area, my deep desire is for you to move through this hurt and this hopelessness, and to move on to hope and healing.
Could sex therapy be your answer, too?
The right & final key
For me, sex therapy was the key that finally opened the door to hope and ushered in the change I needed.
In fact, my experience with sex therapy was so transformational, I decided to pursue it as a career, so I could bring this same hope to others.
For you, it could be what helps you unlock bliss, connection, fulfillment, and ease.
As a collaborative and expert sex therapist and trauma healer, I'm here to help you find and open your door: the one you haven't been able to find, let alone unlock.
My approach to Sex Therapy
What exactly is sex therapy, you may be wondering?
Sex therapy is a specialized form of talk therapy that addresses concerns around...
- sexual dysfunction,
- sexual and emotional wellness, and
- intimate relationships.
A sex therapist is a licensed psychotherapist who understands mental health treatment, and who also has received extensive, targeted training in the above areas. In addition to this, I have additional expertise in treating trauma and navigating non-monogamy and polyamory.
In our talk therapy conversations, all parts of you are welcomed in a compassionate, non-judgmental space. This is a safe place to explore all your thoughts, feelings, and experiences around sex, gender, sexuality, and relationships.
I'm also here to provide you with all the information about sex and sexual function you didn't get in sex ed! Any question or issue you bring, we can talk about it.
Free consultation
Book a no-obligation 20-minute call or video chat, to see if we're a good fit.
Finding your authentic path
It can feel mighty disorienting to dismantle the toxic beliefs about sex that structured religion taught us. Without that guidance, how do we feel and act?
Wouldn't it feel amazing to have a workable moral roadmap for sexual expression—one that you know is right because sexual interactions feel...well, wholesome?
Sex therapy is the perfect place to find it.
Maybe you still embrace your faith; maybe you're questioning long-held beliefs, or you've moved away from religion entirely.
In our sessions together, we'll explore your personal spiritual beliefs and articulate healthy sexual values that align with them.
We'll forge a way forward that feels authentic to you and aligned with your current belief system.
You'll emerge with a framework for how to treat others in intimate contexts—and the confidence to assert how you deserve to be treated.
Together, we will illuminate your path.
A compassionate process
Whether you prefer one-on-one sessions or want to come as a couple (no pun intended!), I offer purity culture-focused sex therapy tailored to your needs.
We'll start by exploring key moments and memories in your journey, gently looking at ways they may be affecting you today.
Part of the way to heal trauma is by allowing ourselves to look at it a little at a time, gently and compassionately. In healing your purity culture wounds, we'll go at your own pace, addressing these delicate issues with care.
For those who feel urgency around their issues, I offer therapy intensives. In these half- or full-day sessions, we'll cover your family and cultural background, your sexual history, and the current problems you're seeking to solve. Using this approach helps you meet your goals faster, saving one to two months of weekly sessions.
I also offer an approach called Accelerated Resolution Therapy, or ART. I love using ART because of the way it brings fast and effective healing to traumatic memories, anxiety, and PTSD symptoms such as hyper-vigilance, insomnia, and hair-trigger reactions. ART is a perfect way to address the distress you might still be feeling about past sexual traumas or other impactful situations.
I'm ready. What next?
Book a free introductory consult today.
We'll chat over a 20-minute phone or video telehealth call and explore what sex therapy might look like for you.
Our conversation will be private and confidential (via a HIPAA-compliant platform).
Why take the time for a consult?
In any therapy, finding a therapist you trust is crucial. Studies show that the rapport and trust between a client and their therapist is the #1 predictor of success.
Do you feel seen, reading this?
Then I may just be the right fit for you.
This exploratory call is a risk-free opportunity to speak with me, so you can gauge whether we’re a good fit.
If you plan to attend therapy with a partner, you should both attend this call.
When we connect...
- You'll describe the concerns you want to address.
- I’ll describe the course of therapy I recommend for you.
- I’ll check your insurance coverage and let you know what your out-of-pocket cost will be.
- If it feels like a mutual fit, we’ll schedule a date to get started!
This 20-minute call could be the moment that launches you into the rest of your life: a life of sexual wholeness and fulfillment.
Book now by clicking the button below.
Embrace your best sexual self
You deserve to feel good about sex.
You deserve sex that feels good.
Can you imagine it?
I can.
If you can't, I'll hold that vision for you.
Transformation is possible, and it is available.
It is waiting for you.
This work is hard—it's true. But doing the work is the only way to realize your full potential as YOU...to have the sex life you were meant to have.
In undertaking this work, you'll be giving a profound gift to your Future Self.